CHAPTER THREE:
He said: “I am Sgt Bob Robert of the mighty division of special soldiers and I have been hunting down this terrible abberation for three years now.”
Trudi twitched and gulped. She was torn between the urge to get quickly over to Brenda’s house and her strange and dark feelings for the man in the boots and g-string.
“I like what you’re wearing,” said Trudi.
“You like this girlie?” said Sgt Bob. “Of course you do. The blood of any true female patriot is always stirred by the sight of a real MAN in a lace g-string. I’m afraid my mascara wore off in combat.”
“What was that… that THING?” said Trudi.
“That thing,” said Sgt Bob, “is the most terrible threat to human existence ever known. It is a pair of humungus buttocks that roam free of its owner at night attacking girlies and enslaving the dogs of this world.”
“It’s horrible and it smells so bad.”
“Indeed Girlie,” said Sgt Bob, “it is a very bad smelling threat. We’re not sure but we believe it is behind communism and fluoridated water.”
“Who do they belong to Sgt Bob?”
“Good question girlie. We have the owner pegged down. We’re not sure if he’s a big fat idiot or a criminal mastermind masquerading as a big fat idiot. These are the two theories on the subject. On the one hand this guy’s a genetic frak of nature whose ass has actually got all the brains and only uses him to make credit card payments. The other theory says that the ass is the slave of the guy who is a criminal mastermind and the head communist of the world.”
“Who is he Sgt Bob?”
“This guy.” said Sgt Bob, “now where are you going girlie?”
“I’m going over to Brenda’s house. She’s the chick who just got eaten by the ass. I wanna get her stuff before her parents sell it.”
“Does she have mascara?”
“Yep”
“Little lace panties as well?”
“Yep”
“And cute little teddy bears with ribbons and bows on them?”
“Yep”
“Then I’m comin’ with ya little girl. I have me a fetish more powerful than a horny mutt in a pedigree award ceremony.”
“Okay Sgt Bob” said Trudy.
And they headed off together.
July 25, 2007 at 9:53 am
This is getting good Yakub. I do want to see more anti-Arse rocket launcher action in future however.
July 25, 2007 at 10:38 am
Magnificent.
Keep it up.
I’m holding on in but-clenched anticipation.